I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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