What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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