yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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