btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
