I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
