So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
