so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
