There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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