i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
