I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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