I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
whose parrot is this?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
