you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
