ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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