absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
