dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
