that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
They are going to name an STD after you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
