I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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