I wanna bring you to show and tell
she woke up with a sticky ear
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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