Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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