I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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