Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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