I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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