Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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