3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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