Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
is it fun? or sober?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
