I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i believe in u and ur pee
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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