I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
