FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i came on her dog
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
