At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
