Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
