just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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