Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
