Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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