Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
