And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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