just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
