It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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