I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize