So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
