your room smells of hookers.
And success
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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