I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
