Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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