one might say we're banned from that church
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
