I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
