I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
