real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
