You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
