fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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