we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
