First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
