so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
