so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
