There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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