Got a toothbrush?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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