my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
