And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
