Can Purell be used as lube?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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