So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We have started to decorate penises.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
