Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
