we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
