May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
