This girl is more easily done than said...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
