when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my shit smells like andre
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sorry my hands just texted you
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
