I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
