YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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