dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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