i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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