I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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