Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
